I Smell A Smell....

It's a smelly smell, and it smells....smelly. *

Ladies and Gents, it is time once again for me to bitch about all the rude things you do that I really hate. Today's subject is all about...you guessed it! SMELLS!

In particular I am talking about perfume and cologne smells. Let's face it - these stinkifiers are irritating to lots of people - babies, people with allergies, the elderly (who are generally always irritated, but I digress) - so who told these people it was okay to put so much on!?

Are these people anosmic?
Are the fumes causing them to loose cognitive function to the point of overzealous perfume application?
Do they really think it smells good?

Personally, and I might be a bit stingy on this one, I don't want to be able to smell your perfume or cologne or whatever else unless I'm right up in your personal bubble. Like, we're hugging. At that point I could remark, "Ah, you smell so good!" and it would be nice.

But all too often, people are thoroughly dousing themselves every morning. While I understand the need for proper hygiene, and the desire to avoid embarrassing odors, don't you think there comes a point where the line must be drawn? I appreciate the concept of "covering" an odor, but I appreciate more the concept of "deodorant."

What really freaks me out is the sheer regularity with which I pass an individual all spiffed out in their Tuesday best, and as they pass they leave behind a trail of pungent stinkis. Ugh.

However the ultimate smell torture of working in an office building is that bastion of claustrophobia, the elevator.
Ahh, yes.
Here we all are, cozy in this elevator. Wow, I'm amazed that eleven of us actually fit in here!

But then...the horror starts to set in. The smell seeps, slowly at first, gaining speed as it fills the small column of stale air with it's wretched stench. My eyes begin to water, my throat feels dry and hoarse, I long to cough....
...I long to hose down the stupid bitch who's trying to suffocate us all.

"You folks don't mind if I light up in this here elevator, do you? It's just....the smell....*cough, cough* ...it would really help me breathe easier...."


*quote culled from a random, beloved-by-me episode of SpongeBob SquarePants.