Dear Seattle, Let's talk about rain.

To start with, let me give full disclosure and tell you I work downtown in an office builidng, which is possible the worst place in Seattle for douchey business-people who think they own the sidewalk, which really gets my goat.

Aaaanyway, business douchebags, I thought we might want to talk about the weather today, since, you know, that's what everyone does anyway. Especially when it's raining, like right now. Boy, is it raining! It rained all night! It's still raining! It's damp! Yeah, I know. And even though we're not the rainiest city in the Estados Unidos, everyone who lives here pretends it is. Which makes this rain hullabaloo even weirder. What kind of city renowned for it's moistness is full of idiots who act like they've never seen rain before? Like you, Mr. Golf-Umbrella-Guy. Is that really the only umbrella you own? That one with the two-metre diameter? I really feel like such an umbrella is inappropriate for a lone ranger on a crowded sidewalk, unless of course he is escorting a lady or a child or maybe a rolly-backpack. But still dude, you drive a Beemer, buy a damn personal umbrella at Bartell's.

Worse than that though are the Awning-Walkers. Hi, Ladies. I notice you each have your own fashionable, personal umbrella. That's nice. How cute. However, I thought it odd that you should choose to walk beneath the awning provided by these lovely office builidngs....did you forget you had an umbrella? You know, that cute little thing you're carrying around, that keeps the rain off you? Which is what it is made for? Why are you walking under the awning? With your umbrella up? Are you made of sugar? Otherwise, Ladies, let me say this: Get the fuck out from under the awning!!!! What really blows my goat is when people walk by with their umbrellas under the awning, and then force umbrella-less me out under the edge of the awning, where the drips collect in pools to be extra-juicy when they finally fall onto your glasses or the precious lit end of your soggy cigarette.

When the awning-walkers and the golf-umbrellars mate, however, is when things get their ugliest. Do not hesitate to give a quick shank in the side to anyone violating both of these rules simultaneously.