Better and way easier than pie.

So, you're sifting through the cupboards looking for something decent to eat, and you notice those three apples, the last of the bag, that have been sitting, shriveling on your counter for a couple of weeks now. They are ugly, maybe a bit soft, but by no means rotting. Instead of feeling guilty about all the produce you're wasting (think of the children in Ethiopia! What is wrong with you!!??!?) you can make a glorious treat that is good for dessert or brekky! (I love it when something can either be dessert or brekky. I think this is what they mean by "breakfast of champions." YESSSS.)
This is a really easy recipe that requires no actual measuring, and can be easily adapted depending on how much fruit you have. Oh yeah, and you don't have to use apples, either...

Okaayy sooo....

Stuff you will need:
~A baking dish. Something in the vicinity of an 8x8 or 9x9, and bigger if you have more fruit, of course. Or like a glass or ceramic pyrex would work, anything that is kinda big-ish and also not too deep - only a couple of inches really.
~ FRUIT! Any kind will do, but stuff that works best is: Peaches, Apples, Blackberries, Blueberries, Nectarines, Strawberries, even rhubarb if you are feeling adventurous - basically you can make this with any berries or butt-shaped fruits, fresh or frozen.
~ Sugar!!! You need the white kind AND the brown kind for this. But brown sugar is delicious, so you should already have some in your cupboard in case you need to make fake maple syrup for your pancakes or something (we'll get to that another time.)
~ Flour - you don't need too much of this
~ OATS! I know you have some of these that have been lying around on the top shelf forever because one roommate bought some thinking she'd be healthy and then wound up only cooking the oatmeal once because oatmeal is actually pretty gross. SO, oats. But if you don't have them, you should just get some from the bulk foods aisle - they're really cheap, and after you make this once, you will want to make it again and again.
~ FAT: Margarine or butter**, at room temp. If you've just grabbed it out of the fridge, you can nuke it for a few seconds, but not to melt - just to soften
~ A little bit of oil or some more futter.

The Alchemy:
1. Turn the oven on to 400 degrees.
2. Grease that pan with a little oil or futter! A light layer will do.
3. Get fruity. Apples you will want to peel, and large fruits need to be cut into dainty bite-sized chunks. Frozen berries ought to be run under the hot faucet in the collander at this point, to thaw them. For the purposes of this recipe, I'm going to assume you have about three to four large handfuls of fruit (using both hands - like, four cups-ish). You can also mix whatever you want - blackberries and blueberries are a nice combo, strawberries probably need to be mixed with something else for proper texture, and dark berries mixed with peach looks hideous, but is delicious.
4. Okay, now, in a large bowl, toss your fruit with about a 1/4 cup of flour (a few shakes from the bag or small handfuls (one handed), and about 1/3 cup of sugar. You may need to adjust this depending on how much fruit you have and how sweet it is, it's okay, just shake in a little more. Once you mix the fruit with the dry ingredients, the fruit should all be lightly coated with flour and sugar. If not, you might need a little bit more. If you put in too much, just let the excess shake down to the bottom of the bowl and toss it.
5. At this point, it is also nice to add some extra fancy-ness to your fruit. Toss in a bit of vanilla flavouring or cinnamon or nutmeg or whatever you fancy.

Now that your fruit is ready, it's time for the best part - the topping!
1. First, you need is a soft stick of futter. Throw this in a bowl, and cover it with equal parts flour and oats, something like 1/2 cup each, but keep them out because you may need to add more.
2. Also add about a 1/3 cup of brown sugar.
3. Now, get in there with your two hands (after you wash them!!! Jesus Cripes, there's a pandemic!) and squish the dry stuff into the butter until it is a homogeneous mixture. It should be fairly crumbly and clumpy, in pieces no larger than a dice. If it isn't crumbly enough, just add another shake of oats and flour, and keep on squishin.

Okay, now it's time to cook that shit!

First, throw the fruit mixture into the greasy pan, and you know, even it out.
Then, crumble the crumbly stuff over the top until it is a nice, thin layer of crumbly-ness covering the fruit, about 1-2cm thick.

Then, throw it in the middle rack of your oven, and let it bake at 400 degrees for about 45 minutes. You'll know it's done when you peek in the oven and there's little bubbles of fruity goodness penetrating the crusty top layer.

Let it cool before you dig in, because this bitch will burn your tongue! Them fruits is hot.

Anyway, enjoy! Impress your friends! They won't believe you made it from scratch, you fancy cook, you!


*From here on out, I will be referring to this oh-so-essential ingredient as "futter," as I like to use fake butter. But butter and marge are interchangeable for our purposes.